The Meanest Mom on the Planet

I am officially The Meanest Mom on the Planet.  It is a distinction that has been given to me by my children; yes, the ones I carried in my womb for nine months and squeezed out of my body, thus giving life to.  Here is proof that no mom is meaner than I am:

1.  I served cereal for dinner one time this summer, which according to my 15-year-old is the unforgivable sin.

2.  I woke my 13-year-old up to take out the garbage—-at 10:00 a.m.

3.  I make my kids weed the yard for spending money.  This time it is my 11-year-old that finds this unforgivable, especially with my unfair rate of $1 per full bag of weeds.

4.  I insist on combing the tangles out of my 6-year-old’s hair, thus not allowing her to run around like the caveman child that apparently she feels she was meant to be.

Other qualifying factors for this award include:  a 10:00 p.m. curfew, expecting beds to be made before playing with friends, not allowing food in the family room and basement and no sleepovers, (except with relatives.)  Oh, and I have a strict policy of NO reptiles or rodents as pets.

So move over Susan Smith, Casey Anthony, the woman who drowned your kids in the bathtub so Satan couldn’t control them, and all the rest of you moms who are doing time (or should be doing time) for acts of unspeakable cruelty to your children.   For the above mentioned, and I’m sure many other egregious acts of torture, I have the distinction of being The Meanest Mom on the Planet.  And frankly, I’m rather proud of this distinction and I wear it as a badge of honor.

I’m thinking of getting a plaque made up, and possibly tee-shirts.

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6 comments

  1. Jana · July 8, 2011

    order me one too!

  2. Juliette Qureshi · July 8, 2011

    Talk to my kids. I’m definitely in the running there. Mine have to make their own cereal dinner sometimes. I don’t pay for weeding at all since they eat for free (albeit cereal). This blog made me smile. You might want to check out the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Read it to your kids. They’ll kiss your feet.

  3. Jason Olsen · July 8, 2011

    It can’t be. My wife won that same award just a few weeks ago!

  4. Zoe · July 8, 2011

    I’ll take a T-shirt. I think our kids also all need “Children of the world’s meanest mom” ones. Why not flaunt our titles?

  5. AINA · July 8, 2011

    I will also nominate you as the funniest woman on the planet!

  6. Berlinda Manley · July 9, 2011

    If that makes you the Meanest Mom on the Planet what am I. My kids aren’t allow to take drivers ed until they have a B average in school, we do not have TV reception because I refuse to pay for cable or satelite, I ground them from the library, they are on their own for dinner at least 3 nights a week, and they have to clean up the dog crap from the backyard once a week. According to my 16 yr old those are just my minor sins.

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