I begin this post by saying that there are two things in this world that I despise: snakes and rats. Really, that’s it–that’s all that I despise. Just one step above despise, in the loathing category, I would have to put cigarettes, cigarette smoke, cigarette butts, cigarette packaging, ashtrays, cigarette induced emphysema and lung cancer–pretty much all things cigarette related. But that’s pretty much the only thing I loathe–cigarettes.
Back to things I despise: Friday night I was alone in the house (hallelujah!) while Jason and the boys were at a rugby match and the girl was at her friend’s house. I was enjoying a Project Runway marathon in the family room, when I looked out the sliding glass window and saw, not a snake, not a cigarette, not a snake smoking a cigarette, but a giant rat against the brick wall which surrounds our house. A mere 30 feet from the open sliding glass door.
I! FLIPPED! OUT!
My pulse increased, I broke out in a sweat and my brain went into survival mode. I could think of only one thing to do–and though it may be a bit unconventional and eccentric, it’s the only thing I could think to do.
I ran to the freezer, grabbed a giant handful of ice cubes, ran back to the opened sliding glass door, and while heaving ice cubes one at a time at the rat, I yelled, “DA** YOU TO HE**!!!” (minus the asterisks.)
After I had thrown all the ice cubes in my hands, I ran back to the freezer, grabbed another handful of ice cubes and did the same thing again.
And then I did it a third time.
It turns out that I have really bad aim, because, though I made about 25 attempts, I didn’t hit that rat a single time.
Not sure what the neighbors now think of us.